Early this morning, I sat down to read the Bible passages for today’s talk…and immediately groaned.

Right now, with the lengthy anxieties and short-term stresses facing me, my immediate reaction remains (after thirty some years on this planet): withdrawal. The unpredictable, unmanageable, unstructured nature of relationships with my husband, son, friends, students, coworkers, strangers (did I miss anyone?) has the potential to add to that stress and anxiety and only relieves it in rare instances. Life is messy; but relationships are messier.

In the face of that messiness, we turn our backs on humanity; as Bruce put it this morning, we become “indifferent.” Indifference can look like: using ourselves as a measuring stick in order to determine the other’s worthiness, ignoring another’s obvious joy or struggle, categorizing someone according to their negative character traits, pushing aside the internal nudge we feel to engage a friend in conversation.

But sometimes, indifference seems justifiable. And this is where I sat this morning: allowing requests from friends to fester in my inbox (they should understand I’m too busy to reply), whining over Mother’s Day festivities that aren’t centered entirely around me, pulling away from commitments with friends because I just didn’t feel like being known in my ugliness. The unfortunate end to these decisions lies far from redemption; we’re changed in the abrasive, uncomfortable places. We grow when we open ourselves up to our imperfection and acknowledge our tendencies to hide from others like Adam hid, exposed and sinful, from God in the garden. Our relational foibles become a constant reminder of our need for redemption.

This week, a former student, on the verge of graduating from high school and facing separation from his long term, committed high school sweetheart, asked me this poignant, probing question: “What surprised you most about marriage?” Perhaps I should have waited a few seconds before responding and pondered more, but the answer came instantly: I behave with my husband as I behaved with my parents. My crap, my scars, my bad habits—all of these things bubble to the surface more with my husband than they have with anyone else since my adolescent years. And it can be ugly—snappish comments, temper tantrums, and sometimes the utilization of “the silent treatment.” I wish he had responded with surprise, but some sort of special eighteen year old wisdom caused him to nod, and say, “I can see how that happens.”

> Which of your relationships push you to the edges of yourself?
> Listen to Patty Griffin’s “Long Ride Home” from 1,000 Kisses. Somehow these words always grab my heart: “Ain’t nothing left at all in the end of being proud.”
> Bruce made this statement: “Apart from relationships life doesn’t matter at all.” Do you believe that?
> Write. Write about betrayal. About people who’ve shaped you. About what you want to experience in relationships. Write about indifference and relationships that matter to you.
> Read Romans 12…especially verses 9-21.

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*Note: If you wish, you can look up this and other Bible passages online at youversion.com
Copyright © 2010 Jessica Ramsey